Waiting in the Lord

We are done with the tests. We did our part. What is next?
To wait...To wait in the Lord...
After almost two months of permanent fevers, extreme fatigue and endless visits to doctors and labs, etc. we have come to an end of what we can humanly do.

Waiting is the only thing left.

I must admit that waiting is not natural to me. I have always enjoyed taking the initiative and to do "something" to accelerate any process or activity.
My family and close friends know me as a "workaholic", someone that is always doing something, reading 3 or 4 books at the same time, multitasking, getting the best of every single minute.
But now, what? There is no more tests to do. All the cavities in my body have been examined. Not even medicines to take under a schedule. Two and a half days to wait, to wait in the Lord.

It is not easy to wait when there is an important meeting going on in Orlando, in which I should be participating. Important projects to lead in El Salvador. Meetings, Bible studies to conduct, the Christmas dinner of our office, Student Christmas Conference, plans to discuss with our team for the 2010, etc, etc.

Waiting is the only thing left.

The hardest thing of waiting is that control is out of my hands. Now, God and his servants, the doctors are the ones who have the bull by its horns.

I hate not to have the control. I hate not to have the power to accelerate or make processes better. I hate to depend on others and not on my own ability to do things my way, the way I like.

I think the healing process has started. Really. God's medicine has started having its effect. I am realizing that trying to have everything under control has been an illusion.

There is only one person who has all the control. God. And now that I see myself force to wait, I have started to recognize that maybe there is a connection among all this physical symptoms and a spiritual condition that does not please the Lord. Because wanting to take over the control is like taking something that belongs to the Lord only. Almost like wanting to take God's role...

I wish I could say once for all, "Lord, here I yield to you the control of everything at this very minute..." But being honest with myself I know it is going to be a process. Maybe painful, more than a magic moment.

For so long I have been used to live this way that it will take me some time to learn to live under a new source of control: God and His will.

The decision is made. I want to live the rest of my life without any struggle for having the control over things (and sometimes over people). I want to allow God to have His lordship over my life and through me, if that is what He wants.

I want Him to use me like never before. Maybe in such ways that I would never think of because they were not under "my control".

Please continue praying for my health. But now extend a little your prayer asking the Lord that I learn to wait in Him. Not only from here until Friday when the doctors will give us the diagnosis. But for the rest of my life on this earth.

The fever is now around 100.5F. No pain or any other symptom.
Thank you so much for your prayers and supportive words.
They mean more to me than you imagine.
Layo.